Eight years ago I found myself suddenly single and back in the dating scene again after a 22-year relationship. I missed having that partner in life and wanted to fill that void.
So back into the dating world I went.
What had changed? The dating scene. (Keep in mind when I was last single, computers were a luxury and cell phones only existed in James Bond movies!)
What hadn’t changed? Certain guys having the ability (i.e., me allowing them) to affect my day – even my entire week!
I was like, Are you kidding me!? The biggest piece of advice my married adult self would’ve given my teenage self was, Stop focusing on whether or not a certain guy is into you. That’s SUCH a waste of time and energy, and there’s a whole world of bigger and better things to focus on.
But here I was 20 years older and wiser (or so I thought), letting the same thing happen. It was insanity. (Literally, that definition: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results!)
And that’s just the finding love again part.
Then there’s the OTHER unknown
I was suddenly a single mom in charge of everything: every meal, every decision, bills, home maintenance, etc. I also had to step up to the disciplinarian role. (Up until that point I’d always balanced things out by being the nurturing parent.)
Even fun family things like vacations, holidays and celebrations took on a whole new feel. There’s a big difference from being solely in charge of vs. being a part of.
Trying to hold it together for myself and especially my kids – while life as I’d dreamt of had fallen apart – was exhausting.
Fast forward to today
Interestingly enough, at the end of 2019 as I was looking back over the decade I realized my biggest accomplishment was simply making it through the past ten years!
But as I took that thought deeper, I realized I’d gone from barely surviving to being happier than ever before. (Yes, I still have struggles and no, I haven’t “filled that void” yet ;)
That year or so after a divorce, if you’re like me at least, you find yourself in this survival mode. Your priority is on simply getting through the day and making it through the week, and if you have kids helping them adjust in the best way you can.
But once that divorce dust settles, you’re at this pivotal fork in the road:
One path: Continuing in that survival mindset (i.e., barely getting by and buffering your way through)
Another (better) path: One that doesn’t just lead to the next chapter of that same old book. It starts your whole new book – one you are free to take anywhere.
If we’re stuck in the same story, we have a tendency to stay in this victim mentality. And then typically we’ll continue to add drama-filled chapters void of the happy endings we crave.
I’ve learned a lot – including what NOT to do! – and I’ve said to myself for a while now, I need to do something with all of this!
Sooooo …. this is what I’ve been working on!
If you’re single again and need a little help navigating through this unknown territory, I’ve just started a private Facebook group and will be giving a FREE 5-day workshop inside it: click HERE to join. (And feel free to share with others who may be interested:)
I’ll be sharing all the things I wish I’d known when I found myself suddenly single. (Seriously, priceless!) PLUS, get to know others who can relate in a good vibe and private setting.
And if YOU have been down this path before and have a thing or two to share about dating and life after divorce, would love for you to be a part of!
Thanks to some of my girl (and guy :) friends I’m getting together some really good stuff to share! Always open to more… I’m a continual work-in-progress so I’m soaking up this stuff too!
As I shared in my last post, I’m not planning to move away from organizing all together. This is just something I feel so passionate about and want to help others getting through what can be a really tough time….
… and actually changing it up to becoming a hopeful, purposeful, and even enjoyable time :)